Thursday, July 16, 2009

Hedging My Bets

Been feeling a wee bit crowded in by the forest these days. All around me, life is exploding, reaching, stretching, overwhelming... creeping right up to my back door, with no apologies.

We finally made the decision to look for work elsewhere, and to move. Northward, methinks; perhaps Vermont, where the hills are so green, and the Granola-types, crunchy.

In the meantime, I'm doing what I can with my mind to get used to the idea of being in an in-between: not moving, but not not moving. Not enjoying, yet not not enjoying. Being directly indirect. Hedging my bets, playing the clamshell game with the present...and presently waiting.

Finally opening up the tightly-wound bag of emotions that I'd kept so close led to a cacophony of expression these last few weeks. It never ceases to amaze me how we can think we've got handle on something, but our body has other ideas.

Oftentimes, it's got nothing to do with our thinking at all; there is brain tissue and heart tissue all over our bodies, storing memories, feelings and responses where the intellect don't shine. How do we relate to life, then, when it's so rich, so beyond rationale?

Me? I'm learning to ride with it, and not let it ride me too much.

And eating as many gorgeous summer fruits as the earth can offer...

And feeling grateful for those cooling breezes that waft in from time to time.

4 comments:

Judith said...

What is that? A white-fleshed peach???


OOOoooOOOoooooVermont!!
I personally love Vermont (and the ancillary New Hampshire as well)
AND it's a mere day's drive to Ottawa, where you can observe a different culture altogether. And visit an ljfriend :-)

On the other hand, like a white-fleshed peach (if so) part of being present is to hold in one's consciousness the things (well, the good things) that are unique to there.
Mountain Laurel.
Red Clay.
The smell of Honeysuckle (I miss that)

Grits? well, maybe not grits, but surely hush-puppies.

mama p said...

:) and visit infamous Ottawa gardens, too.

It's a nectarine!! Rather, it *was* the tastiest, sweetest nectarine I've had. Probably in my whole life.

And I'd add the Wood Thrush to that list of yours... which is a very good list... (and I like grits).

Barry said...

That "cacophony of expression" - that's been my life lately.

That brain and heart tissue all over our bodies - exposed and tender now.

Our body has other ideas...

I hope you soon find a home. I hope we all soon find our true homes.

mama p said...

Glad to see you Barry :)
Here's to Home.