I have begun a bit of planning, to that end, here at my cozy desk-space. First step is to keep track of all the things that I love in my life, and see how often I'm really doing them. It's a simple list, beginning with zen and ending with art, with much friendship, exploration and inspiration in-between. At the end of the day, I make a little mark under the items I saw to during the course of the day. And now at the end of the month, I see what I've actually been spending time paying attention to. All-in-all, it's been a very nice experiment with mapping my inner life-- and important as an at-home mama, as I trace the ways I lend care to my self.
Copyright Mark Schumacher, Kannon Photo TourFor that, homelessness was such a fine teacher. For so long I beleaguered myself for being a zen failure...Imperfect with precepts, faulty with scholarship, inattentive of the feelings of others as I stumbled through my own. This sense was heightened a thousand-fold during this most recent trauma, for invariably each day, my focus was shifted incredibly to myself and my (& my family's) survival. Very basic, very primal, very deeply selfish. And very paradoxically? It was that selfishness that lent me the better sense of seeing the complete inter-connection of things.
As any mama will tell you, the struggle to honor the self so as not to lose the self is part of the heart of the art of raising a child. The koan of it lies in recognizing that honoring the self is actually a very self-less occupation... And now as I see it? It is so that your relationship to all things begins at the very point where you breathe. Cradle this breath, as you would your infant; cradle this infant as you would the soul of the world.