Friday, January 13, 2012

a matter of months

...i've been 'occupied'. ;)

and, surprise, surprise.

by september, i could walk a little further. and my little family & i followed a promising lead, and once there found ourselves in a strange and delightful garden among pines. i made such friends with this place-- and my boys did, too-- that we all decided to stay.

i began my walking with precision and care, being faithful with my meds, leaning on friends and especially my husband... (there's a strength, you know, that has nothing to do with muscles, or decisions. you let go, and it just happens.)

there was a shift in me, a profound one, one i could not move to catch; a shift of old, uncooperative bones that for an amazing (to me) 4 months refused whatsoever to move, and a slowed mind, unable to breathe that precious air of certainty. it took its own time, took me along with it, for once not kicking-and-screaming. because, i couldn't.

all the months before? they are foggy, but gorgeous, and rich.

the boys returned from vermont with the harvest that i could not pick, but indeed i could cook, and that's what i did-- slowly, carefully, and with pleasure. nourishment was measured, and appreciation, abundant.


and as it turns out? after all those months of non-movement, unsteady movement, crippled movement, ironically, we did move! a leap into happiness, long-missed.

and now i move as my spirit moves: with the breath of trees, the fire of the moon, and the ever-present sky.

2 comments:

kerrdelune said...

So glad you are back and hope you are feeling a little better - you have been missed.

laoi gaul~williams said...

i am glad you are feeling somewhat better :)
it such a hard thing to live with and so variable. i have been laid up with a bad cold for four days so now of course wondering whether it will cause a bit of a relapse now.
looking forwards to your next post :) take good care
xoxoxo